So my son just turned 15. Yes, I am still letting that fact sink in. God answered a deep desire of my heart and afforded me the opportunity to receive the title of "Mother" to this gift. But in exchange , I took on a personal burden to raise him perfectly.
When my son was a baby, I had to call my Sister-In-Love, Staci and my Mother over quite often to learn how to do simple task such as bathe him, dress him and swaddle him. I always thought I was doing something wrong. I was afraid to just trust my own motherly instincts. As time went on, I quickly learned that I had to get over that fear and just take care of my son even if I didn't do something perfect the first time. I had to show up and give it my all.
As the years have passed, like most parents, I would doubt my ability to give my son exactly what he needed at that phase in life. I was speaking one day to my Godmother, Polleye Selectman before she passed away. I was expressing my doubt in my ability to be the best Mom to my son, and she simply said, "But God trusted you with Him, that's enough." I was suddenly released of this burden of perfection and empowered to trust myself and this little boy to God, completely.
Although we still have hiccups and have growing pains, I know that my son is not mine. He is God's. I have simply been given to the honor to help him through this life with the help of our heavenly father and the village He's surrounded us with.
A few years ago, Nate asked me if I would record a song for him. I did. It was the song of my cry to God on behalf of my son. I cry every single time I hear it. The words touch the innermost parts of my soul. If I feel this way about my son, how must God love me? Wow! I hope you enjoy the video and I pray that the lyrics bless you too.